Of Cookies and Sticks
by EinAffe
Summary: This is a rather weird story of mine that tells how Yoda ended up with cookies instead of his walking stick and how Obi-Wan ended up with Yoda's walking stick instead of cookies... I hope you find this as funny as my sister did!
1. Chapter 1

Author's note: Hi, it's me again. Seems writing fanfiction turns out addictive for me, I have spent another day writing this story which should have been spent studying. If you know me already, you will know that this is weird and probably insane, too. If you don't know me yet, please note that this story is weird and probably insane, too. You have been warned ;-)

Also, this is a somewhat different timeline that what I did up to now. This takes place some 9 or 10 years before TPM.

**Of cookies and sticks**

As seen through Yoda's eyes

Slowly, Yoda hobbled along a wide and quiet hallway in the Jedi Temple. He enjoyed the warmth of the late-afternoon sunlight that created patterns on the beige floor, and his mind and spirit were basking in the peace and serenity that was created by all the Jedi who were meditating or contemplating the ways of the Force or, well, being peaceful and serene, I guess.

A low and contended "Hmmm…" could be heard from the small, green Jedi Master. He was slowly walking along a corridor in the housing section of the Temple, passing the quarters of Knights or Masters and their Padawans.

The only sounds that could be heard were the soft click of Yoda's walking stick on the floor, the almost inaudible rustle of his Jedi robes and hushed voices from the living quarters.

Abruptly, Yoda stopped in his tracks. Something had awakened his curiosity. Slowly closing his huge eyes, his ears perked up in interest and he raised his head as if tasting the currents of the Force. Only he was not tasting the Force but sniffing the air. There was a sweet, lip-smacking smell in the air, and it seemed to be coming from the rooms to his immediate left. That tantalizing smell made Yoda's mouth water. Slowly, he made his way over to the door of the apartment that seemed to be the source of this delicious aroma. Yoda's eyes twinkled with delight.

This smelled exactly like the cookies his mother used to make for him, some eight hundred-something years ago. He sniffed again. Then again, it _had_ been some eight hundred-something years, and Yoda' memory had seen better days. Still, he was quite sure that he could not have forgotten his favourite cookies. Nor his mother. He was also quite sure that his mother used to be a three-legged kind of bantha-like creature with a single pink horn on the middle of her forehead. Or had it been a huge slug without any legs and horns but with long, silky hair and at least eighty-five pairs of eyes instead? Or rather a bid insectoid life form with a hard and shiny exoskeleton and huge, frightening mandibles which could smile the most gentle smile? As already mentioned Yoda's memory was no longer what it used to be and never had been.

But all of these somewhat senile thoughts were chased away when he caught that smell again. Or rather that heavenly smell caught him and inexorably drew him towards the door it was coming from. Without any conscious thought, he had already rung the bell. He just _had_ to know if someone was really baking his most favourite cookies in the whole Galaxy.

Although he only had to wait for a few seconds before the door was opened, he had already started tapping his foot with impatience. He just couldn't resist this smell… he would probably even turn to the Dark Side for just one tiny crumb of one of these cookies.

After some moments, the door swished open and Yoda found himself face to knees with… Yoda looked up past standard-issue Jedi pants, a standard-issue Jedi belt and a standard-issue Jedi tunic. At that point, he had to take a short break as he had to look almost vertically upwards and his neck wasn't what it used to be, either. After slowly inhaling and exhaling, he got his neck to cooperate and finally looked up to the standard-issue Jedi polite smile of young Kenobi.

After the usual bow, Obi-Wan got down to his knees so that he was no longer towering over the diminutive Master. He knew how it felt to be towered over, as he had a virtual tower as a master. And although he still had some hope that he would grow some in the years to come he certainly knew that he would never be as tall as Qui-Gon.

Yoda was very glad that Obi-Wan had good manners, he didn't like talking to people's knees or staring up their noses whenever he tried to talk to their faces.

"Master Yoda! I didn't expect you. Did you want to talk to Master Qui-Gon? If so, then I'll have to disappoint you, he has gone out some time ago." Obi-Wan greeted Yoda.

Then, silently, he added: "I sure hope that he hasn't invited you over and then forgotten all about it _again_." Obi-Wan's Master regularly invited people and then either conveniently forgot about it or simply forgot about it. Then he just went out to go for a walk or to meditate or pay a visit to someone else. Then, when the visitors arrived, they usually only found an apologetic Obi-Wan who tried to excuse his Master without hurting anyone's feelings. Simply leaving when you didn't want to see the person you have invited over might work if you were living on your own and people could do nothing if you weren't at home, but not if an unsuspecting Padawan goes to answer the door and then finds himself in the awkward situation of explaining his Master's conspicuous absence to whoever had been invited.

"No, invited, I was not. And come to see Qui-Gon, I have not. If defied I want to be, order him before the Council, I will."

Yoda did not elaborate on the reasons for his spontaneous visit. He was in fact just standing there in the door, smiling slightly and saying "Hmmm…" every now and then. He didn't go away, either.

Obi-Wan smiled politely at Yoda. "Please, Master Yoda, come in. Would you like some tea?"

Although members of the Council didn't usually come to visit Qui-Gon and his Padawan, Obi-Wan thought that there was no reason not to be polite if they did. Even if they were just standing there, saying nothing but "Hmmm…" and not stating what they wanted, like Yoda was doing now.

Yoda barely let him finish before walking past Obi-Wan into the kitchen. There, he started sniffing again.

Obi-Wan followed shortly afterwards.

"Excuse me, please, Master Yoda, but if you don't mind, I have to get the cookies out of the oven."

"No, no, not at all, mind I do." Yoda said absently, all the time staring at the cookies that were just turning the right shade of crispy green. They looked delicious. Even much better then they smelled.

Yoda watched Obi-Wan pulling the tray out of the oven and arranging the cookies on a plate. He was hypnotized. He could not look away. He would not look away, not even if some little-known Senator from Naboo were standing right behind him, admitting that he was the Sith Lord they would be looking for in some twenty years. The world around the ancient Master seemed to shrink, until it only consisted of the freshly baked, still steaming mound of cookies.

After staring at the bakery in front of him for some time, he became aware that someone was grasping his shoulders, gently shaking him. His eyes focussed on the somewhat concerned look that was displayed on young Obi-Wan's face.

"Master Yoda? Are you all right? Master Yoda? Please answer me! Are you ill? Do you want me to call the Healers?" Obi-Wan sounded worried. Yoda had been standing there, a faraway look in his eyes, not responding to the alarmed questions of the Padawan.

Slowly, he shook his head to clear the thoughts of those seductive cookies.

"Yes, all right, I am." Yoda looked around as if searching for someone. Then, he asked: "Where is Anakin?"

The only answer he got to that question was the _very_ concerned look Obi-Wan gave him.

"Are you sure you are all right? No insane feeling in your head? Because you just gave me ample reason to seriously doubt your sanity. I mean, first you are simply standing there ignoring reality, and then you ask the strangest things. Maybe you should "focus on the moment", as Qui-Gon usually tells me to do. That might even actually help in your case…"

But Yoda was already focusing on the cookies. _Again._

"Nice cookies, you have made. Smell delicious, they do. Do I detect a sprinkle of vanilla? Give me some, you should!" Yoda demanded.

"But Master Yoda, they already belong to someone else. Someone who might not be exactly delighted if I simply gave them away."

Yoda felt offended. He was sulking.

"Member of the Council, I am. Obey my orders, you must, because still a Padawan, you are. To no one else, these cookies you must give. Want them, I do."

"Master Yoda, I _promised_! Aren't Jedi supposed to always keep their promises?" Obi-Wan tried to convince the stubborn little Master.

"But need these cookies, I do. Crave them, I do. Give you something in return, I will, so that prove, you can, that to me, you gave the cookies. No one will be angry at you if know, they do, that give the cookies to me, you did." Yoda suggested.

Obi-Wan thought about this for a moment.

"Oh, that's a brilliant idea. I think that the person I promised the cookies to wouldn't mind if I gave them to _you_. The person we are talking about rather likes you, you know. But what would you give me that would prove beyond a doubt that _you_ received these cookies?" Obi-Wan said.

"My lightsaber, I could give you." Yoda eagerly suggested.

Obi-Wan shook his head. "No, I couldn't take your lightsaber-"

But before he could say anything more, Yoda interrupted him. "My walking stick, then?" he said while enthusiastically eyeing the cookies.

After one moment of thinking about this, Obi-Wan agreed: "That might work. After all, your walking stick is quite unique and rather well-known."

And with that, Yoda quite literally threw his stick at a baffled Obi-Wan, who could only stare at the agility and speed with which he almost 900 years old Master jumped onto the table, grabbed the plate of cookies and ran out the door, shouting a hurried "Thank you!" to Obi-Wan. Then he was of to his room, to enjoy the treasure he had just gained.

The young Padawan simply stood there and stared, and then he shook his head and looked down at the stick in his hands.

Then, a brilliant smile started to spread on his face.

Author's note: If you now think "What the hell?" I can only recommend that you read the second chapter of this story which will be uploaded shortly. It will practically tell the same event (and some extra bits) only from Obi-Wan's point of view which will clarify a lot.

Also, I just figured out that if I posted a multi-chaptered story, I would get more reviews than if I posted only a single-chapter story. So I've written my first story with more than one chapter. Please review to make it worth the while, especially since I wrote this when I should have been studying!


	2. Chapter 2

Author's note: So here is the second part of my weird story. I hope this will clarify anything you might have found confusing in the first part. Enjoy!

**Of cookies and sticks**

From Obi-Wan's point of view

Qui-Gon entered his quarters. And he staggered out backwards again. An overwhelming stench was coming from the kitchen area.

Taking a deep breath out in the hallway, he tried once again to enter.

In the kitchen, he found his Padawan who seemed to be preparing some kind of dough. And there was also the source of that horrible odour. Not the Padawan but the contents of the mixing bowl that was standing on the kitchen counter.

"Padawan, what is this? What is this… smell? It's revolting!" Qui-Gon asked breathlessly. It was almost impossible to breathe due to the overpowering stench.

"Well, I am certainly not doing this for fun, Master. This is for an assignment." Obi-Wan answered. He was taking shallow breaths, as shallow as was at all possible without fainting from lack of oxygen.

Qui-Gon walked over and peeked into the mixing bowl.

"I had no idea that there were assignments with the topic 'Create a concoction of the most disgusting and smelly things you can possibly think of'. Which class is it for? Is there a class that teaches about the most repulsive things that can be found in the Galaxy? If there is, why do I only hear about it now?" Qui-Gon teased.

"Master, this is not funny, so please stop making fun of me. This really _is _for an assignment… well rather for a kind of test. And this is bad enough as it is, without your comments. So if you are not going to help me, then please leave me to suffer through this alone." Obi-Wan informed his Master, slightly annoyed at the task the Council had set him.

Well, most of the Council, but that didn't mean he didn't have to obey. Of course they had not asked the Padawan to prepare the most horrible bakery possible. Rather they had asked him to bring them a dangerous weapon, a weapon that had hurt more Jedi than almost anything else. It was a perilous device of torture and feared all throughout the Jedi Order, even by the Council. Well, most of the Council, anyway. And they had asked _him_ to retrieve it, as a kind of test for the Padawan. Every Padawan was tested now and then, but Obi-Wan thought it was more than a little unfair to always hand him the impossible tasks.

Now he had to get that dangerous weapon from someone who had been guarding it for a very long time, and a lot of people had already failed in taking it from this guardian. So Obi-Wan had wracked his brains for the last few days to think of a way to get this item. And at last, he had found a way: in a dusty corner of the archives, he had found a recipe for these vile cookies he was preparing at the moment. And they were _exactly _what Obi-Wan needed to accomplish this task. He had been assigned the task of separating Master Yoda from his infernal walking stick.

At first, he had had a hard time getting all the ingredients. Some of them were rather easy to come by, like flour, sugar, pepper, soap and mustard. It had taken some time spent it the more seedy districts and most of Obi-Wan's money to get the spices mentioned in the recipe, some of them barely on the proper side of legality, and he would probably have gotten into serious trouble if his Master had found them in his room. And he had to dig through half of the Temple's gardens to find the worms that had to be homogenized and were a vital part for the unique flavour, at least according to the recipe. And some of the ingredients simply could not be had on Coruscant. Like a huge amount of Degobah swamp water. Obi-Wan couldn't imagine anyone would be interested in exporting the murky and stale water of Degobah, much less anyone wanting to buy it. And as he didn't plan to travel to Degobah just to get some of its stinking water, he had to use the best substitute he could come up with: He simply got a bucketful of the most muddy water from the most crowded fish pond in the Temple. It would have to do, even if the 'flavour' would be suffering from this poor replacement.

And Obi-Wan thought that it would be a complete waste of perfectly good vanilla if he added it to this greenish mass that he had secretly named 'the Cookie Dough of Evil', but as the recipe was quite persistent that the vanilla was _vital_ to the flavour of these cookies, he just shrugged and added it, anyway.

Qui-Gon sighed, but not too deeply as he didn't want to suffocate from the stench.

"Well, as it is already too late and our quarters already stink like a pile of rotten eggs that have been decaying in the sun for some time and are currently uninhabitable, I will leave now and not return until _you_ have decontaminated them. Have a nice time cleaning up the kitchen."

And with a last look at the mess that used to be the kitchen, he left, heading for somewhere with more fresh air.

And with that, Obi-Wan went back to work.

He made small mounds of the vile mass on a tray and put them in the oven.

Then, he took a look around. The kitchen was a mess, indeed. The next one and a half hours, Obi-Wan was busy getting the kitchen squeaky clean again. At least that diluted the smell somewhat, though it was still rather bad.

Some time later, everything was ready. Obi-Wan was standing in the middle of the kitchen, a small grin on his face. He was prepared.

Right at that moment, someone rang the bell. Obi-Wan went to answer the door and when he looked down, he saw Master Yoda standing at the door.

Plastering a standard-issue Jedi polite smile on his face, Obi-Wan first bowed to Master Yoda and then he knelt down so than Master Yoda didn't have to unhinge his neck trying to talk to his face.

In way of greeting the green Master, he said: "Master Yoda! I didn't expect you. Did you want to talk to Master Qui-Gon? If so, then I'll have to disappoint you, he has gone out some time ago." Of course Obi-Wan knew that in this case Qui-Gon had not invited Yoda, in fact he knew very well _why _Yoda was now standing at his door, eagerly sniffing the air. But naturally he couldn't tell that to Master Yoda if he wanted his plan to work.

So, to appear more convincing, he added just loud enough for the small green alien to hear it: "I sure hope that he hasn't invited you over and then forgotten all about it _again_."

And although Qui-Gon had not done so _this time_, it was not unusual for Qui-Gon to invite people over and then leave because he had forgotten all about it, leaving his Padawan to deal with the visitors.

As expected, Yoda's answer was: "No, invited, I was not. And come to see Qui-Gon, I have not. If defied I want to be, order him before the Council, I will."

Then, he said nothing more, just stood there and said "Hmmm…" every now and then.

Obi-Wan guessed that the best way to accomplish his task was to invite Yoda in. So he asked: "Please, Master Yoda, come in. Would you like some tea?" Being polite could never be wrong, even if his Master sometimes taught him differently where the Council was concerned.

He had not even finished saying that when Yoda whisked past him into the kitchen, still breathing in as much as he possibly could. Obi-Wan couldn't understand how this little creature could stand the stench still wafting from the oven. Now as the cookies were almost finished they had lost some of their slimy, gooey quality but did definitely not smell any better then before. And they still were the sickening colour of old vomit.

Obi-Wan had a hard time keeping the look of utter disgust off his face. But fortunately, he could rely on his Jedi training to keep a straight face.

Yoda had clearly swallowed the bait. He was completely focused on the nauseating smell of these cookies, at least as much as Obi-Wan could tell. Now was the time to close the trap.

He had to get these 'Cookies of Evil' out of the oven.

To keep up the pretence, he asked Yoda's permission to do so: "Excuse me, please, Master Yoda, but if you don't mind, I have to get the cookies out of the oven."

Distractedly, Yoda waved him off: "No, no, not at all, mind I do."

Out of the corners of his eyes, Obi-Wan studied Yoda. The Jedi Master's eyes were practically glued to the pile of cookies Obi-Wan was arranging on a plate. His eyes had taken on an empty, faraway look. A strange, low sound could be heard coming from him.

After a few moments of patiently waiting for Yoda to get a grip, Obi-Wan slowly got worried. Yoda was still standing there, muttering to himself, rocking back and forth.

"Master Yoda?" Obi-Wan asked.

The green alien didn't react in the slightest.

"Master Yoda? Master Yoda?" Obi-Wan gripped Yoda's shoulders, shaking him back to reality.

"Master Yoda? Are you all right? Master Yoda? Please answer me! Are you ill? Do you want me to call the Healers?" Obi-Wan asked, concerned.

"Yes, all right, I am." Yoda was finally answering. Obi-Wan was relieved that Yoda hadn't got one of his seizures right then.

That was when Yoda suddenly asked: "Where is Anakin?"

Obi-Wan was bewildered. In his opinion, the question made no sense at all. Maybe a better question would have been "_Who_ is Anakin?" but Obi-Wan could not even have answered that one. Maybe Yoda was lost in the future again. Obi-Wan gave him a very concerned look. He decided that it was time to put some of the wisdom Qui-Gon always spouted to him to good use.

"Are you sure you are all right? No insane feeling in your head? Because you just gave me ample reason to seriously doubt your sanity. I mean, first you are simply standing there ignoring reality, and then you ask the strangest things. Maybe you should "focus on the moment", as Qui-Gon usually tells me to do. That might even actually help in your case…"

Only Yoda was not focusing on the moment but rather on the cookies again. Still, that was better then being lost in possible futures, Obi-Wan figured.

"Nice cookies, you have made. Smell delicious, they do. Do I detect a sprinkle of vanilla? Give me some, you should!"

Everything was going according to plan. Obi-Wan was glad that Yoda had recovered so quickly and he didn't even have to wave these disgusting cookies around, Yoda had been asking for them all on his own.

He continued according to plan: "But Master Yoda, they already belong to someone else. Someone who might not be exactly delighted if I simply gave them away."

And that was the truth, at least from a certain point of view. Surely Yoda would not be pleased if Obi-Wan gave the cookies away, but the Padawan was almost as certain that Yoda wouldn't mind if _he _received them.

Of course, Yoda objected: "Member of the Council, I am. Obey my orders, you must, because still a Padawan, you are. To no one else, these cookies you must give. Want them, I do."

But as an emerging negotiator, Obi-Wan wouldn't budge until he got an offer that was acceptable. So he bargained some more: "Master Yoda, I _promised_! Aren't Jedi supposed to always keep their promises?"

And that also was not a lie, as Obi-Wan had made an effort to avoid any outright lies when he constructed his plan. In fact, he _had_ promised these cookies to Yoda, who of course didn't know about it. Otherwise the plan obviously wouldn't have worked.

Yoda instantly tried to convince him of his opinion, which unsurprisingly was that he should get the cookies.

"But need these cookies, I do. Crave them, I do. Give you something in return, I will, so that prove, you can, that to me, you gave the cookies. No one will be angry at you if know, they do, that give the cookies to me, you did."

And that was what Obi-Wan had been hoping for all along. This was heading into just the right direction. So he said:

"Oh, that's a brilliant idea. I think that the person I promised the cookies to wouldn't mind if I gave them to _you_. The person we are talking about rather likes you, you know. But what would you give me that would prove beyond a doubt that _you_ received these cookies?"

Because he seriously doubted that Yoda would mind if he gave the cookies to Yoda.

"My lightsaber, I could give you." Yoda offered at once.

Obi-Wan was shocked. A lightsaber is a Jedi's life! NO ONE simply gave it away. Obi-Wan wondered if there were some highly addictive ingredients in these cookies, or if the smell was somehow affecting Yoda's mind. Then again, it was Yoda's mind we are talking about, and that had probably been lost some fife hundred years ago.

And besides, it was not what Obi-Wan wanted.

So he started to say: "No, I couldn't take your lightsaber-"

Yoda didn't even let him finish. So he offered what Obi-Wan had been waiting for all along:

"My walking stick, then?"

It took him one moment to take control of the triumphant smile that was threatening to show on his face. And to think that Master Windu had placed a huge bet on Yoda keeping his stick. Mace was in for a serious surprise!

After having regained control of his face, he answered: "That might work. After all, your walking stick is quite unique and rather well-known."

And with that, he suddenly had said walking stick in his hands and witnessed what most people in the Galaxy never had the opportunity to see: Yoda was actually jumping on the table, grabbed the plate of cookies and ran out the door shouting a hurried thank-you; undoubtedly going somewhere he would not be disturbed while devouring the evil smelling bakery.

Obi-Wan simply stood there and stared. Then he looked down at the stick in his hands. He had pulled it off! He almost couldn't believe that he had succeeded in this impossible task.

And with that thought, a brilliant smile started to spread on his face.

Some time later…

Obi-Wan was walking down the hallway. He was heading towards the Council Chamber to bring Yoda's walking stick to Mace, wearing a pleased smile on his face. He had actually succeeded in the seemingly impossible task the Council save Yoda had assigned him. And he had done it rather well, in his opinion. Yoda had never even noticed his true intentions. And he had done all that without truly lying, he had only told the truth from a certain point of view.

True, he had had to endure the nauseating stench caused by these obnoxious cookies. And he had spent almost two hours cleaning the kitchen afterwards. But his success had proven his unconventional methods right.

As Obi-Wan rounded a corner, he almost ran into his friends Bant und Garen. Reeft was off-planet right now.

They were smiling at him.

Bant said: "Oh, hi Obi-Wan! How… gah, you _stink_!"

And Garen added: "Yeah, you smell like the rear end of a rancor. When was the last time you took a shower?"

Obi-Wan answered: "Just about five minutes ago. It was the third one today, actually. And I used up all the soap we still had. The smell of these disgusting cookies just doesn't want to go away. It still lingers in our kitchen, as well. And you should have smelled it when-"

He was interrupted by Bant's shout as she saw what Obi-Wan was carrying.

"Is that what I think it is?" she asked incredulously.

Now, Garen also noticed the item in Obi-Wan's hand. "Wow, is that Master Yoda's infamous stick? How did you get that?"

Both of them stared at the stick disbelievingly. Yoda _never_ let that thing get out of his hand, much less out of his sight.

"Well, I… I struck a bargain with him. And now I have to bring that stick to the Council. I will tell you about all that later!" And with that, Obi-Wan hurried off again.

In the Council Chamber, Mace stared incredulously at the young Padawan standing in front of him. Obi-Wan had just handed him the stick that Yoda not only used as a walking stick, but also used to hit and poke virtually _everyone_, including his fellow Councillors. And many Jedi feared and despised that stick. And now, it was there, in Mace's hands. He still couldn't believe it.

"Padawan, you have successfully completed the assignment we have given you. Congratulations! Some day, you'll have to tell me how you did that. But now, we will have to discuss in secrecy what we will do about that stick. As this is an internal matter, you will have to leave. But you have all our admiration for the feat you accomplished."

"Yes, Master Windu. Thank you." Obi-Wan answered.

And when everyone had said "May the Force be with you", Obi-Wan left.

Now, he wanted to find his friends again and tell them all about this afternoon…

Just as Obi-Wan exited the Council Chamber, a loud wail could be heard that clearly came from Yoda's favourite mediation garden.

Apparently, Yoda now remembered why he had stopped eating these cookies: They smelled like heaven (at least to him), but they tasted like hell.

Only two minutes later, Yoda stormed into the Council Chambers, in his hand a new stick that was in every way exactly identical to the one Mace had hidden behind his back just in time. As if on cue, every member of the Council groaned in exasperation. Apparently, it had all been in vain. It seemed that Yoda had an endless supply of identical walking sticks hidden away all through the Temple…

Author's note: You can expect at least another chapter for this story that will tell how Anakin managed when he was given the same assignment.

Reviews, please?


	3. Chapter 3

**Of cookies and sticks**

Author's note: Sorry, it took me a week longer than I first promised, but I had an unpleasant assignment of by own which had to be completed first. And originally I wanted to post this after it was finished, but then I ran out of time and ideas and decided that it would be most impolite to let you wait any longer, so here is another part of my story. Enjoy!

**Exactly 16 years, nine months, two weeks, four days, eighteen hours and three and a half minutes later…**

SLAM!!!

Startled, Obi-Wan looked up from the datapad he had been reading. Apparently, his extremely pubescent Padawan was back from his classes. And if his actions were anything to judge by, he was not in the best of moods, either.

Anakin had slammed the door shut quite audibly, and now he was stomping towards his room. He was broadcasting his anger and indignation so loudly that Obi-Wan thought he'd be mentally deaf in no time if he didn't do something about his Padawan's emotions soon.

So he tried the most tentative and non-reproachful approach he could think of, as to not annoy his fuming Padawan any further.

"Hello Anakin! Would you like something to eat?" That was always a safe thing to ask, as Anakin was constantly hungry and would forget about almost everything else as soon as food was mentioned.

Not today, though.

"NO! I can't eat anything right now. I am too angry. Stupid Council! I bet they are doing this on purpose just to drive me mad. Then they can lock me up in a loony bin and never have to deal with me again. I think they hate me! And it's not paranoid if they're after you!"

Clearly, Anakin was quite upset. Absently, Obi-Wan wondered what the Council had done _this time_ to so infuriate his admittedly rather unruly Padawan, and if there really was such a thing as a "loony bin".

Trying to placate his enraged Padawan, Obi-Wan decided against telling Anakin that the Council probably knew what they were doing and said instead: "I am sure you are not paranoid. But before we start discussing this any further, would you mind telling me what they did to make you so… displeased?"

Obi-Wan had to suppress a snort at his choice of words. "Displeased" was probably the understatement of the century, if not of the millennium. He made a mental note to later ask Yoda about that, the ancient Master would probably know as he had lived through most of the last millennium.

"They gave me this completely ridiculous and absolutely absurd assignment. Alliteration! Did I just say four words starting with "a" in a row? I'm brilliant. I'm babbling again, right? Well, where was I? Ah, yes. I am sure they just made this up. This is probably the most stupid test they could come up with, and I am sure they have a good time laughing at me right now, rolling on the floor of their great high-and-mighty Council Chamber. I bet they just invented that test to humiliate me. This must be a joke. And besides, I am one hundred percent sure that what they ask of me is impossible, anyway. Even if somebody took this serious, which I doubt anyone would, it wouldn't work. There are some things that just can't be done, and this is one of them. The Council wants me to fail, so they can kick me out. They never wanted me and they don't trust me! They would hate me if they were allowed to!"

By the end of his rant, Anakin's face had gone completely red, and Obi-Wan wouldn't be too surprised if there was steam coming out of his Padawan's ears.

And he seriously had to reconsider what he had said about Anakin not being paranoid.

"Anakin, calm down. It can't be that bad. If the Council has given you this assignment…"

There, he was rudely interrupted by Anakin: "Don't you tell me the Councillors know what they're doing, because they don't!"

"No, that's not what I wanted to say. In fact, I just wanted to point out that the last time the Council tried out something _new_ was before even I was born. And that means that it is highly unlikely that they just invented this particular task you are so upset about, which in turn means that someone already had to do it at some point. So believe me, there is a soliution to your problem, and you are certainly not the first one to be assigned this test. Now what do you have to do? It's not teaching Master Yoda proper grammar, is it? Because that would certainly count as entirely unfeasible."

Obi-Wan tried a small joke to get Anakin to calm down. And it seemed that he had success: the corner of Anakin's mouth was twitching conspicuously.

Obi-Wan just hoped that it was not one of the more unpleasant tasks, some of which he had his own experiences with. When he was a Padawan, he could never decide what to think of the Council: Whether they took everything serious and were completely incapable of joking, or whether they were simply one big joke and were laughing their heads off behind everyone's backs. And even today, he still had his doubts sometimes.

And he certainly had had more than his fair share of strange trials.

He could clearly remember, for instance, a test of courage which demanded that he go and tell the Archives Master that the archives were in fact not complete, that something was missing. And although Obi-Wan had the shrewd feeling that he would be grateful for that particular experience in the near future, he couldn't imagine himself _ever_ doing that again. It had been very, _very_ unpleasant. And the Chief Archivist had been treating him with cold disdain ever since.

But then, he snapped out of his memories and gazed at Anakin again. His Padawan seemed to have calmed down slightly and might actually have regained enough control to enable them to have a rational conversation.

And at last, Obi-Wan got a sensible answer from his upset Padawan: "The Council wants me to steal Yoda's walking stick. Can you believe that? It's outrageous. They must be making fun of me. I don't think anyone had to do such a stupid task ever before. They invented it especially for me!"

Before Anakin could start his tirade all over again, Obi-Wan interrupted him: "Oh, so they still use that one, do they? I thought the last time taught them to never do that again."

Obi-Wan clearly remembered how that nauseating smell of these disgusting cookies he had fabricated lingered in the Council Chamber for _weeks_. And in the kitchen of the quarters he had shared with his master, as well…

"So this is not the first time they did this to some poor, undeserving soul? But it's still unfair, and I still think they are out to get me. So do you know who had to do it last time?"

Obi-Wan smiled. "Yes, I do know him quite well, in fact. But I wouldn't recommend the method he used; I don't think it would work a second time. And also it wouldn't be a test anymore if I told you how it was done the last time. You are supposed to find a solution all by yourself. Maybe after you have finished this assignment, I will tell you who had to do it last time and how he achieved it." Obi-Wan tried to motivate his Padawan.

Still, Anakin was none to pleased with his task. "I am sure _you_ never had to do such dumb tests when you were a Padawan." he grumbled, but still he went to his room to work on a solution for his little green problem.

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Author's note: There you go. I hope it was funny. Thanks to all those who reviewed. Also, as exams are looming, I will have to do more studying and less writing for the next few weeks. I will try to write whenever I find enough time and inspiration, but don't expect regular posts for some time. I am truly sorry for keeping you waiting, and if you know how to pass exams and still be able to spend hours writing fanfiction, I would be grateful if you told me how to do it. As I haven't yet discovered how to do it, you will have to wait until exam time is over. Sorry.

By the way, I just wanted to remark that I did in fact not forget the disclaimers in the first two chapters, they are there all right, you just can't see them ;-)

But I think that invisible disclaimers are completely overrated, so this one is visible again.

Disclaimer: I can't be bothered to write a disclaimer right now as they always make me somewhat sad because they show me how much I truly own: nothing. For all those who insist on a disclaimer, leave me a review, and I will send you the longest disclaimer I can possible think of ;-)


	4. Chapter 4

**Of cookies and sticks**

Author's note: I am terribly sorry that it took me so long to write this pathetic excuse of a story. Not even I find that funny, and it is actually quite easy to amuse me, as I laugh about almost everything (even things that I am not supposed to laugh about).

But I hope that you can forgive me if I tell you that I spent almost every waking minute ( and I didn't know one day could have so many of those) of the last three weeks studying, and as I am still in the middle of exam time, I will continue to do so for the next three weeks. So please don't be to mad at me for having to wait so long for this bad piece of writing and for having to wait even longer for the great idea I have had for some time now because I won't be able to write much till the holidays. And now I've annoyed you enough with my babbling and on with the story!

Sorry, of course I still have to write the **disclaimer:** Does anybody ever read these? No? Yep, I thought so. But still, there you go, even if no one reads it, at least it's there: I don't own Star Wars or Harry Potter. Not that there's any Harry Potter in this, I just wanted to make that clear. We don't want anyone getting ideas, now do we?

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Anakin sat in his room, still grumbling. He had spent _at least_ fifteen minutes pondering his problem and he hadn't come up with a solution to it yet. Now he was getting seriously impatient. He couldn't be bothered to overexert himself with thinking about this stupid task; he had much more important things to do. Like daydreaming about a certain senator… and that would at least take up two hours.

So he really didn't have any more time to think about how to relieve Master Yoda of his stick.

And Obi-Wan wasn't helping him, either. _He_ was supposed to be the brains, Anakin was supposed to be the muscle.

Sighing, Anakin gave up. Any more time spent on this matter was completely wasted.

Suddenly, Anakin decided on a course of action. He would simply turn to the Dark Side. Palpatine regularly promised him "unlimited power" if he became his apprentice. And he supposed that, if one had "unlimited power", one could quite easily acquire a simple stick, even if it belonged to the oldest and wisest Master of the Jedi… well, at least the oldest.

That idea pleased him greatly, as apparently it didn't involve any effort on his side. He would simply have to go and become Palpatine's apprentice and all of his problems would disappear.

With a pleased grin on his face, he set out to find his friend the Chancellor…

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Suddenly, Obi-Wan had a very, _very _bad feeling. And somehow, he felt the sudden urge to check whether the Chancellor was in his office and find out where his apprentice was.

Never one to ignore what the Force was telling him, he left the Temple at a quick pace, on his way to the Senate Building and the Chancellor's office…

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Just as Anakin was walking down one of these seemingly endless hallways of the Jedi Temple, he saw a small and extremely green figure hobbling towards the training salles. He stopped short in his tracks to think for a second. Maybe it was even less effort if he simply picked up the stick while Master Yoda was sparring. Anakin supposed that it must have been his lucky day, as the last time the old green Master had been sparring with anyone was… Anakin couldn't even remember the last time Yoda had been sparring with anyone.

The Force really must have a soft spot for lazy Padawans, Anakin mused.

So he abandoned his plan of joining the Dark Side and instead followed Yoda into a training room where Mace was waiting. And really, Master Yoda was presently disposing of his robe, hung it on a hook and leaned his walking stick against the wall. Then, he turned towards Mace, they bowed, ignited their lightsabers and engaged in an awesome fight.

But Anakin didn't have eyes for any fancy battle moves. His gaze was glued to the walking stick leaning innocently in the corner, ignored by everyone except him. A wide grin on his face, he grabbed the walking stick and with a loud whoop of triumph he stormed out towards the Council Chambers to present his prize, completely oblivious to the fact that most of the Council was presently standing in the training salle, blinking in surprise and being more that slightly miffed at the Padawan's rather impolite and inappropriate behaviour. Obviously, Obi-Wan didn't have his Padawan under control.

Apparently, a serious talk with the boy's Master was in order…

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Anakin went back to the quarters he shared with Obi-Wan, swinging Yoda's walking stick in triumph. This had probably been the most efficient way to complete this stupid task, even if the Council (and also the rest of the Temple) were less than ecstatic about his methods. At least he hadn't had to disappoint Obi-Wan by getting a new Master. The Jedi would probably have been really sad if Anakin had joined the Dark Side.

And he was sure that he had done at least as well as his predecessor, whoever that might be.

He couldn't wait to brag to his Master about his success. When he didn't find Obi-Wan in their shared quarters, he was not pleased. But just as he sat down on the couch with a frustrated sigh, Obi-Wan came back.

When he spotted Anakin sitting on the couch, he looked relieved.

"Ah, Anakin, there you are! I've been looking for you in the Chancellor's office, but apparently Palpatine is off to some distant planet on some political errand." Obi-Wan said.

Anakin thought that he looked strangely pleased when he said that. Maybe Obi-Wan knew more about Anakin's initial plans then his Padawan had given him credit for.

But all of these thoughts were quickly swept away as Anakin waved Yoda's walking stick in front of his eyes, shouting gleefully: "I did it! I've got this stupid walking stick! And I didn't even have to do anything; Yoda just left it leaning against the wall when he was sparring with Mace!"

Pushing the offending stick away before Anakin could poke his eye with it, Obi-Wan asked: "Master Yoda is sparring? That hasn't happened in… I don't know how long. So you got the stick? Congratulations! How did you do it?"

The answer was not what he had expected: "It was quite simple, actually. I grabbed it when no one was watching and then I ran around the Temple a few times, waving it around victoriously and shouting and laughing at the top of my lungs."

Obi-Wan sighed in resignation. Apparently, he should have told his Padawan _not_ to run around the Temple, screaming, one more time than he had. But well, at least he had achieved his task without going to the Dark Side, as Obi-Wan had feared for some strange reason. Now he felt stupid and guilty for doubting his Padawan.

"So you were successful without having to resort to…"

At that moment, there was a loud and insistent knock on the door which was opened about three seconds later from the outside, revealing what was probably the Jedi equivalent of an angry mob.

The whole Council was there, standing behind a Master Yoda that looked as furious as could be imagined (which was still not much). And with that Obi-Wan received one of the longest lectures in his life, delivered by half the Temple, about how he should teach his Padawan proper manners.

After more than an hour of trying to calm down the outrage of the Council, Obi-Wan finally managed to placate them and get them to leave again.

With a weary sigh, he closed the door behind the last of the still upset Jedi and then he turned to his Padawan who was trying to look as innocent as he possibly could, given the circumstances.

But apparently, Obi-Wan had enough of lecturing for the day, because he simply gave Anakin a pointed look but said nothing.

The Padawan squirmed a bit but as nothing happed, he asked: "Did I do better that the one before me?"

Obi-Wan frowned in thought, but then he said decisively: "No. Although you didn't have to resort to cookies that smelled abysmally as I had, you managed to get me lectured for more than an hour, without even getting a reprimand yourself. That is simply not fair."

Anakin stared at him open-mouthed.

"So it was you? What did you do? Why haven't you told me? How did you get it done?"

There was such a childish curiosity in Anakin's eyes that Obi-Wan simply couldn't refuse to tell him of his days as a Padawan.

Whe he was finished, Anakin was holding his stomach, giggling wildly.

"That is so like you to make the apartment a smelling mess because you wanted a _diplomatic_ solution. I would feel incredibly stupid if I were you!"

Obi-Wan also smiled. "I think we should both feel incredibly stupid. Although your method was undoubtedly effective and mine was well planned and sophisticated, we were both bested. Because when it was his turn, Oui-Gon probably did it in the fastest and most polite way imaginable. And as I said, we should both feel stupid not to have thought of that."

Anakin was quickly becoming impatient. He wanted to know how anyone could have been faster than he had been or done it in a more stylish way than Obi-Wan.

Trying to suppress a chuckle, Obi-Wan finally told him: "When he was given this appointment, he immediately sought out Master Yoda and _asked him_ politely if he could borrow his walking stick, and apparently, Yoda simply gave it to him. Sometimes, the most obvious and easy solution is also the best one."

And with that, he finally started laughing because of the priceless look on his Padawan's face.

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Author's note: Tell me how bad it was! Recently, my sister got two flames, and now I want one, too! If you don't want to write a flame, I will also accept whatever you have to say to me. If you can't think of anything, just write: "Go back to studying if this is the best you can come up with!" Then I will at least do what I should be doing now instead of writing fanfiction, but I felt really guilty for letting you wait for so long. In the unlikely case that you actually enjoyed this, please do tell me. That would really brighten my day. Hope to see you at my next story, which I will hopefully write in my two weeks of holidays.


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